Things That Induce Involuntary Gag Reflex: Part 37

Not so much gag reflex as shock, despair, disgust...

Item the first was a guy in my drafting class asking in all sincerity--AND I'M QUOTING HERE--"A quarter of an inch is half an inch, right?"

I--I don't even know what to say to that. There is no excuse for such ignorance. I don't care how green you are or how many of your brain cells you've boiled away freebasing on coke or how many bowls you smoked before class today, there simply isn't an excuse on the face of this hallowed terrestrial ball to be that stupid aside from literal mental retardation.

However, he's a nice kid so I gave him and the equally confused guy sitting next to him a quick lesson on the increments of measurement comprising an inch: halves, quarters, eighths, sixteenths and so on. He thanked me and remarked upon how much more sense our professor's measuring instructions made now.

Item the second came from another girl in my drafting class. This fool was gabbing on and on during a break in the class about some kind of dancing she does for some purpose or other (it didn't sound like stripping but perhaps some questionable, sleazy go-go girlism or group performance somethingorother). It sounded like she knew her tablemate from such dancing as he was trading stories with her about different choreographers and such. This is going to require a transcription of as much of her conversation with her tablemate as I can recall from memory. It's truly priceless.

GIRL: "Yeah. It was crazy! We were in bras and panties on a bed, it felt like a porno! But only Alaina had to wear such a skimpy thing for the bedroom scene. The rest of us were still in bras and panties."

GUY: "Oh, that's good."

GIRL: "You know? I really don't make it to the Mission [District] anymore now that I'm not dancing for Freddie."

GUY: "I know, I haven't been in like, years!"

GIRL: "Yeah...I haven't been in a couple months. We should take a dance class there!"

GUY: "OMIGOD, yeah!!"

GIRL: "Omigod I'm so excited!!"

[Girl's phone rings, she dismisses the call by letting the person on the other end know she's in class and must go.]

GIRL: "OMIGOD. I'm so sick of all these people calling about jobs. I don't work. I mean, I don't have to work. I've never worked a day in my life."

GUY: "I know. It's like, hello? Didn't they get the memo??"

GIRL: "Ugh, I know."

GUY: "Well, you did work for like, two days at Hooters."

GIRL: "Oh, yeah! I worked there for two days and was all, I'm over it. Hah!"

GUY: "Yeah, you were so over it."

GIRL: "Yeah."

[AND SCENE]

P.S. I might have to hate her now.